I’m in the resource center at school. Our lunch break began early today because there is a staff meeting being held. I hate the computers here…so slow. I want my Mac.

Anyway.

Earlier today in the computer lab a young lady was talking about how she couldn’t wait to graduate. She’s graduating the same time I am. She asked me if I was going to take “the victory blunt” upon graduation. Everyone laughed. I gave a small chuckle as to not seem cold. This guy sitting next to me asked me if I would take it. I told him I didn’t smoke.

We were typing something out of the book today. One of the paragraphs discussed COPD, or chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder. The young lady told me I needed the first word in the paragraph. She said everyone needs a little chronic. Another charity chuckle on my part. The guy next to me says, “Emerald you are too fuckin’ mature for your age. You was just like ‘oh hahaha, real funny.‘”

This place becomes more and more dreadful to me day by day. I pressed snooze about 15 times this morning because I didn’t want to get up and come here. I can’t even explain how tired I feel right now. My eyes hurt so badly that I can barely see.

Sometimes I wish I could be a little more immature; I wish I could fit in. I wish that jokes about the smoking habit I never picked up could be funny to me too.

I need to let go of my intellect.